Posted by: Amber @ NotMommy | June 14, 2011

Experience

I’m unhappy with myself.  I’m no good at living in the moment, never have been, but with so many “baby” things to plan and document I find myself far removed from the fun.

I LOVE planning, it’s part of my organizer nature, but I’ve been feeling more like a facilitator of events instead of a participant.  I will spend months making things perfect for one day, and forget to enjoy the spoils of all my hard work.  I don’t enjoy attending my own parties because I’m so stressed out running around that I often times don’t get to visit with my guests.  I know that’s not uncommon, but I think my daughter might be happier with a smaller production and a more genuine vibe.

I’m also having issues with photography. I find myself being satisfied with a crappy experience as long as I got a good picture.  On the other side, I’m sad if there were no “pics to prove it” if we did have a great day.  I look back at my Flickr sets with pride because I have these amazing photos to show my daughter when she grows up.  I’m also sad, because I’m in so very few of them.  I almost never hand over the camera so I can be part of the action and be in the shots, I’m behind a lens instead of with my family.

I plan and document instead of experience and that needs to change!  Long term I think this might mean the end to overdone holidays and birthdays.  I’m trying so hard to make things “special” that I’m missing the true magic of being a kid.  I know someday my daughter will ask for a ridiculous theme or party, and then I’ll have her help me in the planning.  Until she’s old enough to know better I’m going to try to stick to some low-key honest fun.  Short term it looks like the end of my constant photography.  Sure there will be shots taken here and there (I still want proof to show her later), but I would rather build lasting memories that come from her head instead of her photo-album.

I truly hope this helps.  I’m tired of being bitter after a vacation because I wasn’t the one showing her new things or helping her ride her first pony.  Here’s to giving it a shot!  Now that we’ve got that straight, I need to load our last set of photos to Flickr LOL.

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Responses

  1. It’s so hard. As you know, I’m absent from the vast majority of photos and I ‘d really like that to change. On the other hand, in the past I’ve found myself at a birthday or some other special occasion and feel disappointed when I put down the camera for the day. Often my Aunt who is a fantastic photographer will be there and then I don’t feel so bad!


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